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Unitarian
Universalist
Fellowship of North Central
Iowa
606 North
Monroe Ave.
Mason City, IA
641-423-1793
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Unitarian Universalism Defined . .
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Why are UU congregations so disjoint at hymn singing?
Because they are always reading a few lines ahead to see if they agree
with the words.
 | Universalists believed that God was too good to damn people |
| Unitarians believed that they were too good to be damned. |
What do you get when you cross a Klansman with a Unitarian?
Someone who goes out at night to burn huge wooden question marks.
| How does the KKK harrass UUs?
| By burning a question mark on the lawn
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| I'm not even sure if I am a UU.
| I suppose that removes all doubt. |
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What two (2) things do UUs and Dracula have in common?
They both have origins in Translyvania and they both shy away from the
cross.
When was the last time Jesus was mentioned in our
fellowship?
When the janitor dropped a hammer on his foot.
(Not really true. It is true we are not a "Christian specific"
fellowship.)
| If Unitarians had to form a firing squad they would arrange themselves
in a circle. |
| Unitarian Universalists: "God's Frozen People." |
Why did the UU cross the road?
To support the chicken in its search for its own path.
(UUs respect everyone's right to think their own thoughts, and often
are found helping others choose the life they want to live.)
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A UU prayed, "Dear God, if there is a God, if you
can, save my soul, if I have a soul."
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Have you heard the latest UU miracle?
Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla.
| After the secular humanists came along, it was said UUs believe in
One God - at Most. |
| Now, what with the 6th Source and the pagans, it is said that UUs
believe in One God - More or Less. |
There was a UU minister who was giving a sermon on the annual
pledge drive: "The sermon on the amount."
| What do you get when you cross a UU with a dyslexic?
Someone who is not sure if he/she believes in Dog. |
| What do UU congregations do with bullies?
They put them on the Board of Trustees. |
What happens when atheists have children?
They become UUs.
(Our fellowship offers families a community based on tolerance and thought,
not on dogma.)
What do UUs have in common with Pontius Pilate?
They ask, "What is truth?" and then don't stay around for an answer.
| A holy roller finally got fed up with UU responses to his dogma
one day and demanded, "Do you know what's going to happen when you
stand in judgment before God?"
The UU responded, "She is going to have some big explaining to
do."
The holy roller fainted.
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| If UU's are agents of Satan as some fundamentalists insist, our
duties are largely ceremonial.
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| What do you get when you cross a UU with a Jehovah's
Witness?
Somebody who comes knocking at your door for no apparent reason.
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| What do you get when you cross a UU with a Jehovah's
Witness?
Someone who knocks on your door and asked, "What do *you* believe in?"
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What is the meaning of Easter for UUs?
Easter is when Jesus comes out of his tomb, and if he sees his shadow he
goes back in and we get six more weeks of winter.
A UU is shipwrecked on a desert island. During his stay, he builds
two UU meeting houses.
Finally he is rescued. His rescuers notice the two separate buildings
and ask him why he has built two?
"That one, I go to," he gestures. "That one, I wouldn't go
near!"
| A UU meeting must seem strange to outsiders. A person will speak
and says nothing. Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees. |
What's the difference between a prayer and casting a spell?
SPELLing!
"The General answers his own phone. Must be a Unitarian."
- Col. Sherman Potter, M.A.S.H 4077
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